Here’s a probably crazy idea; but I think I’m going to go to Colorado for Thanksgiving this year. Yea, I know it’s still a few months off but if I don’t start planning now then I’ll be sitting on my couch, eating chicken and watching movies for Thanksgiving. Not that I have actually talked to anyone who lives in Colorado about this yet, so no place to stay and I may end up in a hotel or something lol. But! I’m really hoping my Aunt and Uncle in Louisville will be around and I can stay with them. Maybe I can get down to Highlands Ranch / Littleton at some point and harass some of the people I used to know and now miss.

So, if anyone in / around that area wants to hook up around Thanksgiving let me know; not sure exactly how long I’ll be up there or where exactly I’ll be but if you want to get together I’ll do what I can.

Also, I’ve been in class for these last two weeks, and for the rest of this week I’ll be in class. Just when I thought i was done with school and learning and all that after graduating ITT in March; I’m already back in school. You can never get away; it always comes back to haunt you … though these classes are really bloody awesome and I’m glad that I got the chance to take them.

Occasionally life gets many times more busy and complicated than it needs to be. Between work, cooking, class and everquest I really haven’t had time for, well anything. Weekends are for cleaning and catching up on sleep … speaking of which I forgot to clean up dinner, crap. Anyways, Sleep recently has been one of those things that I think is a rumor; it doesn’t exist. Aside from last night, which I actually slept a decent amount of, I’ve been usually getting a couple hours of sleep, maybe four at the most. A bit hard to sleep when your mind is racing the space station around the world.

Life is great. I have an awesome job, a decent sized apartment, I cook awesome food, there’s internet, I have a running car and I can do whatever I want; as long as I show up for work five days a week. I was happy, if I wanted liquor and ice cream for breakfast, I could. If I wanted to stay up all night wearing nothing but my boxers and dancing to Miley Cyrus … I could. Sleep on the couch, sure; eat dinner at 11 pm before I went to work … I guess, never done that lol. Walk outside in the pouring rain at 3 am just to feel it; fun times.

Ah bollocks; I told myself I wouldn’t do this crap this time; I did it anyways. Sorry.

I don’t know why it happened or how; but it was faster than a Windows computer can blue screen. It took a few days for me to even realize what had happened and I still haven’t figured out why. People always say that there’s is a reason for everything you do; I have no reason for this, after a week of barely sleeping still I come up with nothing. It just is, has been and will be. Some things are and don’t need reasons. There may be nudges, prods, pokes, winks, indications and hints that I’ve given to you but I just can’t use my own words and write it out. One day you’ll know. Today? Unlikely. This week? Doubtful. In August? Possibly. During 2009? I hope. 2010? Absolutely. Of course there’s always that day you ask and I freak out because if you’re asking then maybe there’s hope; and yea, I wouldn’t hold anything back.

Blah, I don’t want to post this but I should. Maybe I can start sleeping knowing that there’s a chance you’ll read this and know; I’ll tell you one day, I promise. Until then endless nights will be spent staring at the skies sorting my thoughts, pondering your responses and praying for hope.

What is time? Many people will reply with one word “money”, but is time really money? If time is money then money should be time; this however, is not so.

Time and money must be one of those square and rectangle things. A square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square. So time is money but money is not time. This possibly simple math “fact” always confused and bothered me. First they teach you that if a=b then b=a; but if it’s squares and rectangles instead of “a” and “b” then we’ll just ignore the whole reflection thing, it’s just not true anymore. A rectangle is a rectangle and a square is a square, a shape cannot be both otherwise your definitions suck and should be rewritten. A square has four sides of equal length and a rectangle has four sides with opposite sides being the same length and adjacent sides being of different lengths.

Anyways, back to what I was saying; money is not time, if it was then friendships, relationships, children and trust could all be bought. Though in some places and cases this may be true, for the majority of the world it is not. As long as time is money, those with more money (and income) than they could ever spend will live many more lifetimes than those of us with little money. What if money really was time and by having enough of it you could skip parts of time, make them go faster; would you? Lets say you find one person you really like at the moment, with enough money you should be able to “buy” the entire dating experience and know if that person was right for you or not; skip right to the wedding. Next you could spend enough money that kids are born nearly instantly, or maybe even start them off at five years old. No infants who do nothing but eat, scream, poop, puke, cry and wiggle around. A lifetimes worth of experience could be “purchased” for a medium fortune and at 25 to 30 your kids could be college aged and you would be smart as someone who was 40, 50 or even 60. If you could do it would you? I wouldn’t.

Time is time and money is money; if you chose to make money with your time, so be it. What you do with your time is always your prerogative. Time is never wasted unless you let it be wasted, but then it’s not waste is it?

I’ve been trying to think of something to post about recently and nothing really comes to mind; except that I’ve been actively trying not to post anything. Life has been pretty busy around here: get up, go to work, eat dinner, play EverQuest some, go to bed … repeat. Once in a while I manage to go out shopping or out somewhere just to do stuff. At least work is going well, I think it’s really awesome and I’m really excited to be doing what I am. Not many other jobs in the world could be more satisfying that where I am now; except maybe a professional slacker / procrastinator :p though I’d get bored of not learning anything new.

A couple weeks back, maybe it’s only been a week now (the memory is horrifying enough that I try to forget xD), I somehow managed to convince myself that recording me singing and giving it to someone was a good way of finding out if they liked me. Yea, never again. ABBA was probably a bad choice anyways; bad song + my horrible singing = less friends. Oh well, I’ll live; perhaps I’ll just be single for a while. It was a bad idea from the beginning but I kinda maybe liked her and wanted to see if there was any hope; it’s a little lonely here.

There’s still one person I actually do really like but unless they say something nothing will probably happen. They’re too awesome and amazing for me to risk messing with our friendship or whatever it is we have. So if you read this; you are awesome, beautiful and I’ll always be here for you. The reason I’ve been sort of actively ignoring my blog is because I kept wanting to put something up to express how I felt and I knew there would be names involved; something is better than nothing and if you are happy then bugger all the rest, I’m happy too.

Suppose I’ll get off before I go and say something stupid or post a recording of my horrifying singing. Don’t anyone go out and play with the chains without me.

The knife I’ve had for quite a few years know and have been extremely happy with; aside from it being dull recently, was a Smith & Wesson Special Ops (something lol). The blade is 3.875″ (3 7/8″), tanto tip, plain edge and black coated. Fantastic knife, has been treated well and treated me well for many years of camping and every day use. Most, if not all of you who have seen me in the last 7+ years have seen me use it, I loved that knife.

Why you may ask do I need a new knife if the one I have works fantastically? Work only allows blade lengths up to 3″ and unfortunately 3 7/8″ is greater than 3″. =p There are of course, two or three solutions to this problem, the most obvious being to leave my knife at home when I go to work and only carry it when I’m not there. Next being to just stop carrying a knife at all. One big problem exists with both of these scenarios … I won’t have a knife on me at work for every day things (opening boxes, packages, food containers, etc.). So! Only one solution exists; buy another knife! =D I’ve held and used a few Benchmade knives in my life and from everything I’ve seen they make an awesome product, so it’s off to their website to find something under 3″.

Ended up buying a Benchmade 858 Mini-Barrage, sweet looking little knife. 2.91″ blade, mini-drop point, plain edge and unfortunately no black coating. Yes, I could have had the black if I purchased a combo edge (front half plain, back half serrated) however I have never been a fan of combo edges. My blade got here today and I had to force myself to put it down so I would come on here and write this. Hoping I’m going to be as happy with this blade, or happier, than I was with my last one. Lastly, have a sexy big picture of the 585 Mini-Barrage and possibly my next knife, the 580 Barrage.

Why do songs always remind me of people? $5 to whoever can tell me the name of the person this song reminds me of right now. (:

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If this is nothing
If this is everything there is, inside this moment
I would not as for more than this
To dream by what i see through
to make believe i need you
and if tomorrow comes too soon
we will not speak of it today

chorus:
somewhere stars are falling
so close your eyes and make a wish
and when time forgets us
i will sill remember
this

if there is someplace
if there is anyplace to go, beyond perfection
i can’t pretend i want to know
how we could leave ourselves behind
how it could feel to say goodbye
when it’s enough to be here now
to sit with you and watch the sky

(chorus)

to dream by what i see though
to make believe i need you
and if tomorrow comes too soon
we will not speak of it today

(chorus)

Natasha’s Ghost – This

Though airplanes and airports, not so much. I had the pleasure of attending my cousin Caryn’s wedding this last weekend; it was fantastic! Everyone did an amazing job putting it together and I’m glad I was off work and could attend. Thinking that the next wedding I attend with either be mine or I’m going to have to learn to be a preacher because sitting in the audience at every wedding couldn’t be nearly as fun as standing up where everyone is looking at you. (: This is the third wedding I’ve been to, that I can remember, and put together between all three of them I’ve finally had a piece of wedding cake. =D It would be the strangest piece of cake ever created if you were to put all of the pieces and bites together haha.

The flight out to Colorado from El Paso, TX was mostly uneventful; aside from my “driver’s license extension” not being a valid form of ID in Phoenix, AZ. On the way back, I think they were about to give me pilot’s wings because I spent nearly the entire day on an airplane. First the flight from Denver, CO to Salt Lake City, UT … wasn’t so bad of a flight but it was late by a couple hours. After taxiing all the way to the runway they changed our flight plan to add another ~500 miles because of the weather; what’s awesome about that? we didn’t have the fuel to make the flight now, so it’s back to the gate for more fuel. Took an hour to get back to the gate and refueled. ><

Landing in Salt Lake City, UT two hours late caused me to miss the flight from Salt Lake City to El Paso. No big deal, I'll catch the next one ... not quite. There are no more flights to El Paso that day. ): End up on a flight to Dallas/Fort Worth after sitting in Salt Lake City for a hour and a half. Sweet! I love seeing more of Texas (lol ><). From Dallas/Fort Worth at least I have a flight to El Paso; but there's more waiting, and changing gates three times, and the plane going out of service ... so finally the plane leaves at 10:45 pm or so and we land in El Paso at 11:45. I'm almost home! 8 hours after I should have been. Oh, and at every airport I went to, besides El Paso, to get from one terminal to the other (each flight was a separate airline) I had to go through security. Must be pretty good at emptying my pockets and taking off my belt by now .

Had to edit this to add, I think my favourite part of the wedding ... besides the fact that it was a wedding between my cousin and her new husband =p has to have been the slide show. Guess I should have told the person that made it while I was there .....

Work does amazing things to a blog; especially when writing on it isn’t your job. Lots of interesting things have been happening (sort of) and life is moving along wonderfully (almost). Finally got my whiteboard up this last week, only been meaning to do that since the day after my parents headed back to Virginia and my bed arrived so I’m no longer sleeping on a fold out couch. However, the TV and Bluray player are still on the coffee table which is next to the end table they belong on. Almost there!

The actual work that I get paid for is going well, I’ve read a lot and learned even more; this week I am going to start the online training courses. Wish they had set those up for me earlier but it’s probably for the best they didn’t. After looking over the list of stuff they want me to take it should only take most of a week to do … the ones I want to take after that will use up about a month and a half of full time work. Quite a few of the CCENT courses are on there and I would love to take those and finish the track all the way from CCENT to CCNA Security to CCSP and finally to CCIE Security. On top of that all of the Solaris System Admin courses and Oracle DBA courses. Not sure if my brain can learn that much, there could be headaches involved.

Little bit of bad news for these last few weeks. Went out to a celebration party thing at “The Game Sports Bar and Grill”, that’s not the bad news … maybe for someone it is, shows that I’m not a hermit and I am human. :p However, it was decided after the evening was over that I had too much to drink and should leave the car there and get a ride home. I didn’t agree but went along with it, better safe than wrecking my car right? Well, almost. Someone managed to back into the front end of the car while it was in the lot overnight. Not much damage but it looks like it’s going to be around $1000. I’ll be happier when it’s fixed, poor car.

Think that’s about all that’s happened this week, except I never went back to the apartment complex office to talk to that lady; keep telling myself I will, never do. xD OH! and it’s good I get paid at the end of the month as well as the middle because I spent my paycheck from the middle of the month on ammo. :p Shooting range here I come!

Almost forgot the whole reason I was making this post, wouldn’t that have been more embarrassing than the things I say whenever I talk to the office staff here. :p In a few months when I’ve managed to repair the car and save up some money in the event that something else bad happens I’m looking to get my CCL (concealed carry license) but to do that you need a firearm. No, I can’t conceal my AR-15, but in the awesome state of New Mexico I “could” open carry it. Right now the choice is between two pistols, both from CZ (or Ceska Zbrojovka if you feel like trying to pronounce it) the CZ 97BD and the CZ 75D Compact. I’ll add the CZ 75 SP-01 because the integrated rail is nice. The CZ 97BD and the CZ 75 SP-01 are both full sized while the CZ 75D is a compact, might be better to conceal, who knows … I’m tall enough that if I put on a little weight (lol) concealing a full frame may not be as hard as I think.

Guess I’m off to procrastinate more, maybe I should read this DWI course book so I can actually get my drivers license, only has to be done in the next month. >.>

I wish someone had told me work was this awesome before now; I might have been a productive citizen earlier. It took me a whole week but now I understand REGEX, perl and I have a tic-tac-toe game to play instead of working. Haven’t really found anyone that will go out and do things with me; though my boss likes shooting and photography so he and I might go to the range sometime … when I have money for more bullets. Been trying to decide if I should get a suppressor for my rifle or a handgun, anyone have a clue as to which I should get? Going to end up with a handgun / suppressor and a suppressor for my rifle anyways; it’s just the order that matters. OH! and the most important thing … i have fruit loops and cocoa krispies.

Being here is much more fun and awesome than I could have imagined; even though I’ve been here for over a week and still haven’t unpacked the last couple boxes. Some of the days are a little hot but after watching the sunset and feeling the cool night air the days themselves aren’t so bad. Aside from a couple boxes and being too lazy to get my new driver’s license I seem to be all settled in…minus the bed which is on order. Only thing I miss is having people around. Maybe that will fix itself in short time.