Against all common sense and better judgement; I’ve decided that this fall I’m going to go back to school. Instead of going back to ITT Tech (which is a 4 hour drive each way) or the University of Phoenix Online, I’m actually going to go to a real college; New Mexico State University (NMSU). A couple weeks ago I filled out some form on their website and had them send me the basic information and then last Sunday I filled out a form for a campus tour. Great lot of good that did. I called today since I never got a confirmation that a campus tour was set up … they never got it, AWESOME! During lunch I ditched work for 15 minutes or so and set up a tour for this coming Monday.
At this point in time I’m really considering a double major in physics and philosophy with a minor in computer science. After talking with admissions and taking the tour etc. on Monday I may change my mind and chose a different major but I’d really rather keep the ones I have.
The least intelligent (more stupid, stupider, stupidest, less smart?) part of this whole thing is that I plan on working full time while going to school full time. Since NMSU generally only offers weekday daytime classes, this means working nights and weekends for the next two to four years.
From talking to the administrative assistants and managers at work it looks like my company will probably pay for the physics and computer science classes but not the rest. Hopefully they will but if not, some money is better than nothing. If the company doesn’t pay for anything it will take me around six months to save up for a year of school.
Finally told this girl what I felt and not sure it worked so well, I kinda freaked out that she was going to freak out (which she probably did). Just some songs that inspire certain feelings for me. *shrug*
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Epic. Fail. … I need to stop fighting with myself and being pissed off that I can’t say what I want to. Maybe if I just said it I would be more happy.
Not sure I really want to put this here but I will any ways; at least this way it is out there where someone besides my sister knows about it. lol x.x
You do not know this because I will not tell you; but I like you, a lot. It has been years since I have seen you and last I time it was just as two friends. What changed? Who knows but from everything I know about you now I want to see you again if only to give myself a chance to come clean.
I did something a few days ago, you should find out about it in a couple weeks, I hope you like it. I hope you never find out it was me who did it.
This song is awesomely fantastic:
————————-
stars are out tonight
and you’re the brightest one shining in my sky.
it’s like every wish I ever made came true.
the day I woke up lying next to you.
will you be my best friend
if I offer you my heart?
’cause it’s already yours.
we could hang out every night
and watch the sun go down.
as long as we could watch it rise again.
gave me a valentine.
it’s these little things that stand the test of time.
I’ve saved the tickets from the shows that we’ve been to.
and a thousand other memories of you.
gave you this i.o.u. today.
it said good for one galaxy.
once I build my rocket to the stars.
we’ll fly away just you and me.
Really, I am not neglecting my blog; there just is not anything to say. lol. I have not been playing EverQuest much, mostly because of work and EVE Online is a lot more interesting to me. Still procrastinating working on that website I was trying to have done by now, and started working on a year ago. *shrug* I am slightly unmotivated.
Life really is not that interesting right now. I go to work, come home, maybe goof around with my website a little and play EVE for a bit. Besides that there is dinner, movies and sleep. Single life kind of blows, I am not very sociable and do not really have many (or any) friends; and it does not really bother me. The one person I actually want to be around all the time does not, and probably will not ever know it. I suck, and so does my boring life.
So, EverQuest and I had a disagreement … It crashed and I did “rm -fR” on it. This is after I spent a day and a half installing Fedora 11 and getting everything set up so I could play. Zone from Guild Hall to Plane of Time, Time to The Void, The Void to *CRASH*.
If you didn’t get it from that last paragraph; I’m finally Microsoft free. The only program I’m running under WINE right now is EVE, and EverQuest if I can ever get it working again. Three computers in my house (apartment) and all three running some flavour of Linux. Only had two problems with it so far. First EverQuest doesn’t work, second, I can’t seem to sync my Palm Z22 with Evolution or Thunderbird. Small tragedy, I’ll live.
I shouldn’t write this but for some reason I feel like sharing. Don’t read this … writing it made me feel better I guess.
Me and people don’t really get along well; I’ve never figured out why. Friends? Sure, I’ve got a few but being alone never really bothered me, until recently. Girlfriends? Absolutely … works fantastic for a couple years then it all goes to hell with a 12-pack of C4. Never ends well either; get stalked, harassed, called at all hours of the night with crying, or just called and hung up on. Sometimes, just want to give up. Can count my girlfriends on half of one hand, the number of years takes two hands. I was happy being who I was, unattached, free, happy, and only have to buy and do what I want. That’s why it happened isn’t it? I wasn’t happy or free, just alone. Can’t like you, nothing like you, so different, head spinny. Smiling. Why you? I bet you don’t even like me. Never say anything, better to have a friend than a dream gone bad and a friend lost. Told two people, way too many, you’ll find out. I’m ranting, nobody’s listening, time for a drink. Basshunter – Angel in the night <- awesome awesome awesome song, doubt I’ll sleep so repeat it is.
If you feel sorry for me, don’t tell me, ever. Didn’t really want to put this in here but meh, I can come back in a few years and say “that’s when I wanted to do something, that’s when I should have”.
Here’s a probably crazy idea; but I think I’m going to go to Colorado for Thanksgiving this year. Yea, I know it’s still a few months off but if I don’t start planning now then I’ll be sitting on my couch, eating chicken and watching movies for Thanksgiving. Not that I have actually talked to anyone who lives in Colorado about this yet, so no place to stay and I may end up in a hotel or something lol. But! I’m really hoping my Aunt and Uncle in Louisville will be around and I can stay with them. Maybe I can get down to Highlands Ranch / Littleton at some point and harass some of the people I used to know and now miss.
So, if anyone in / around that area wants to hook up around Thanksgiving let me know; not sure exactly how long I’ll be up there or where exactly I’ll be but if you want to get together I’ll do what I can.
Also, I’ve been in class for these last two weeks, and for the rest of this week I’ll be in class. Just when I thought i was done with school and learning and all that after graduating ITT in March; I’m already back in school. You can never get away; it always comes back to haunt you … though these classes are really bloody awesome and I’m glad that I got the chance to take them.
Occasionally life gets many times more busy and complicated than it needs to be. Between work, cooking, class and everquest I really haven’t had time for, well anything. Weekends are for cleaning and catching up on sleep … speaking of which I forgot to clean up dinner, crap. Anyways, Sleep recently has been one of those things that I think is a rumor; it doesn’t exist. Aside from last night, which I actually slept a decent amount of, I’ve been usually getting a couple hours of sleep, maybe four at the most. A bit hard to sleep when your mind is racing the space station around the world.
Life is great. I have an awesome job, a decent sized apartment, I cook awesome food, there’s internet, I have a running car and I can do whatever I want; as long as I show up for work five days a week. I was happy, if I wanted liquor and ice cream for breakfast, I could. If I wanted to stay up all night wearing nothing but my boxers and dancing to Miley Cyrus … I could. Sleep on the couch, sure; eat dinner at 11 pm before I went to work … I guess, never done that lol. Walk outside in the pouring rain at 3 am just to feel it; fun times.
Ah bollocks; I told myself I wouldn’t do this crap this time; I did it anyways. Sorry.
I don’t know why it happened or how; but it was faster than a Windows computer can blue screen. It took a few days for me to even realize what had happened and I still haven’t figured out why. People always say that there’s is a reason for everything you do; I have no reason for this, after a week of barely sleeping still I come up with nothing. It just is, has been and will be. Some things are and don’t need reasons. There may be nudges, prods, pokes, winks, indications and hints that I’ve given to you but I just can’t use my own words and write it out. One day you’ll know. Today? Unlikely. This week? Doubtful. In August? Possibly. During 2009? I hope. 2010? Absolutely. Of course there’s always that day you ask and I freak out because if you’re asking then maybe there’s hope; and yea, I wouldn’t hold anything back.
Blah, I don’t want to post this but I should. Maybe I can start sleeping knowing that there’s a chance you’ll read this and know; I’ll tell you one day, I promise. Until then endless nights will be spent staring at the skies sorting my thoughts, pondering your responses and praying for hope.
What is time? Many people will reply with one word “money”, but is time really money? If time is money then money should be time; this however, is not so.
Time and money must be one of those square and rectangle things. A square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square. So time is money but money is not time. This possibly simple math “fact” always confused and bothered me. First they teach you that if a=b then b=a; but if it’s squares and rectangles instead of “a” and “b” then we’ll just ignore the whole reflection thing, it’s just not true anymore. A rectangle is a rectangle and a square is a square, a shape cannot be both otherwise your definitions suck and should be rewritten. A square has four sides of equal length and a rectangle has four sides with opposite sides being the same length and adjacent sides being of different lengths.
Anyways, back to what I was saying; money is not time, if it was then friendships, relationships, children and trust could all be bought. Though in some places and cases this may be true, for the majority of the world it is not. As long as time is money, those with more money (and income) than they could ever spend will live many more lifetimes than those of us with little money. What if money really was time and by having enough of it you could skip parts of time, make them go faster; would you? Lets say you find one person you really like at the moment, with enough money you should be able to “buy” the entire dating experience and know if that person was right for you or not; skip right to the wedding. Next you could spend enough money that kids are born nearly instantly, or maybe even start them off at five years old. No infants who do nothing but eat, scream, poop, puke, cry and wiggle around. A lifetimes worth of experience could be “purchased” for a medium fortune and at 25 to 30 your kids could be college aged and you would be smart as someone who was 40, 50 or even 60. If you could do it would you? I wouldn’t.
Time is time and money is money; if you chose to make money with your time, so be it. What you do with your time is always your prerogative. Time is never wasted unless you let it be wasted, but then it’s not waste is it?
I’ve been trying to think of something to post about recently and nothing really comes to mind; except that I’ve been actively trying not to post anything. Life has been pretty busy around here: get up, go to work, eat dinner, play EverQuest some, go to bed … repeat. Once in a while I manage to go out shopping or out somewhere just to do stuff. At least work is going well, I think it’s really awesome and I’m really excited to be doing what I am. Not many other jobs in the world could be more satisfying that where I am now; except maybe a professional slacker / procrastinator :p though I’d get bored of not learning anything new.
A couple weeks back, maybe it’s only been a week now (the memory is horrifying enough that I try to forget xD), I somehow managed to convince myself that recording me singing and giving it to someone was a good way of finding out if they liked me. Yea, never again. ABBA was probably a bad choice anyways; bad song + my horrible singing = less friends. Oh well, I’ll live; perhaps I’ll just be single for a while. It was a bad idea from the beginning but I kinda maybe liked her and wanted to see if there was any hope; it’s a little lonely here.
There’s still one person I actually do really like but unless they say something nothing will probably happen. They’re too awesome and amazing for me to risk messing with our friendship or whatever it is we have. So if you read this; you are awesome, beautiful and I’ll always be here for you. The reason I’ve been sort of actively ignoring my blog is because I kept wanting to put something up to express how I felt and I knew there would be names involved; something is better than nothing and if you are happy then bugger all the rest, I’m happy too.
Suppose I’ll get off before I go and say something stupid or post a recording of my horrifying singing. Don’t anyone go out and play with the chains without me. 